Today, I came home after a long day at work and fell asleep in front of the tv for about an hour. Napping makes me anxious. So does sitting. I have a difficult time relaxing because I feel that there are so many other things I could be doing to get me to the next step, whether it be towards happiness, money, love, creativity, independence. I was reminded yesterday that you are where you are supposed to be. I can't imagine I am supposed to be sitting in front of a tv. So finally, for the first real time since I've been on the road, I picked up my guitar. I played the same songs I have played for many many years and I wanted to croak! Dear god, all this journey and I play the same sad tunes? This is not the picture I envisioned in my head. This trip was supposed to clear this songwriter's block that I have had for far too long. I think it's just time to accept that I am not a songwriter. I've tried to do that before and then I popped out a tune I was fairly pleased with. Go figure. Yoda was right. "There is no try, only do."
So these walls...I think I miss sleeping on the ground. I miss my kitchen and living room being exposed to the world and the elements. I miss having to go get fetch my water. I miss all the things that reminded me how much we take for granted within walls. That's why I wanted to camp. To be grounded. To feel a part of instead of apart.
After playing my guitar, I forced myself out out of my cavern and onto the beach to enjoy what was left of the the chilly sunny day. I walked for a while. I took some pictures with my film camera but the light wasn't quite right and I was not inspired. Lacking the ability to zoom sucks at the beach. No pictures of the dolphin pod or the sea kayakers or the surfers in their wetsuits as they watched the dolphins swim by at sunset; only pictures of the clouds and the choppy line of the horizon. Since when is the horizon choppy?
A hearty meal of beans, bulgar, steamed broccoli and carrots garnished with tomatoes and nutritional yeast topped off the evening. Now, my cup of tea and a little knitting. At least when I knit, I can see progress.
It's time I knit something for myself.
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I would love to hear from those who seem inspired by my adventure. What would you do next?